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Yarrgh She Blows!

Posted by | Posted in Pirates | Posted on 19-11-2008

When I wrote about International Talk Like A Pirate Day a few weeks back, never in a million years did I think that I’d be writing about actual pirates some weeks later. Yet here we are.

A few days after news broke that a Saudi-owned supertanker, containing 2 million barrels of oil, was hijacked near Somalia, we hear that the Indians have taken matters into their own hands, and blown a Somalian pirate ship out of the water. Good for them!

I have to admit, it was only recently that I actually found out that there were ‘real-life’ pirates in the world, and not just the jolly, evil-yet-not-evil pirates who wore patches over their eyes and parrots on their shoulders that you see depicted in cartoons. Considering the complete (dis)organisation involved when it comes to many African nations (Somalia in particular) I’m surprised that a few punks with a rocket launcher actually manage to hijack a multi-million pound vessel with over $100,000,000 worth of oil on board. How sloppy can you get?

Apparently, some “maritime commission” or other is thinking of arming commercial transport vessels with a kind of sound weapon – it uses very specific sound beams and technology so that it can project varying sounds over great distances, and in great volumes by all accounts, in order to deter unwanted “guests”. It can produce sound waves strong enough to knock a person off of their feet. That should hopefully keep the pirates off your ship. It reminds me of the recent Incredible Hulk film, although I doubt many Somalians can turn green and start throwing cars about. On the other hand, if someone did actually do that, in my opinion he deserves to take your cargo.

But until they get these new-fangled sonic super-weapons, the shipping industry needs to resort to being escorted across troubled waters by Indian battleships, or taking a different route altogether, which will no doubt mean that we won’t be able to buy our favourite exotic foods as often as we do now, or they’ll cost a damn sight more if we can.

I’ve got an ulcer. Again. I don’t quite know what the problem is; I’m pretty sure I don’t put random objects, picked off of the floor, into my mouth often enough to warrant the number of (almost cripplingly) painful ulcers I get. I’ve tried all sorts of mouthwashes, including some concoctions of my own, but nothing seems to work. So for now I’m dosed up on Nurofen Plus which seems to be doing the trick. Which is just as well because they cost me the Earth! Incidentally, if you decide to dilute TCP Antiseptic with Listerine Total Care, and swish round a mouthful of the stuff before going to bed, don’t be surprised if you wake up in the morning with the inside skin lining of your mouth peeling away.

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